Knowing What Others Think
I’ve wondered how much this type of inside-my-head conversation has actually shaped the way that I’m responding to people outwardly. Recently, my mood or body language prompted the question from a friend about what was wrong. I caught myself describing my disappointment in the things they thought or believed about me. Knowing what someone thinks or believes about me can only legitimately come from one source: A conversation we actually had (which, in this case, had not happened). The two other, less trustworthy sources are: Something someone else told me that my friend thought or believed about me (which is a problem, but likely the subject of another blog), or some conversation I had with them inside my own head (the most likely source of my disappointed attitude toward them). What do we do with this private exercise in role-play? I have three suggestions:Separate the Helpful from the Unhelpful
Thinking through the content, tone and identifying words that clarify from those that hurt are helpful in imagined conversations. Whatever you imagine they might say or do in response to what you are contemplating must be identified and discarded.
Clear your Mental Whiteboard
Drawing a conclusion about someone is typically accompanied by labels; insensitive, rude, spiteful, hard-nosed, narcissistic, clueless… you get the point. In order to relate to the person without the biases of these conclusions bleeding through in words or attitude, you must identify them and decide to remove them. It can be helpful to visualize those labels being erased one by one from a whiteboard. This process will significantly affect your openness toward them and the way in which you will hear and respond to them.Engage Early in Adult Conversations
Delaying hard conversations for a few hours may allow you the cool-down time to get your emotions checked and managed, but avoidance that drags out these hours into days and weeks gives too much time for unhelpful imaginary conversations. Do what you need to do so you can have that difficult conversation, but then have it. Delaying an important conversation never helps in relationships, organizational culture or your own development as a socially and emotionally aware adult. Have you found tips or tools to navigate through your in-my-own-head conversations? I’d love to hear them!
Introversion Pt 1: The Hidden Leadership Challenge for Introverts
This is part one of a three part series that addresses the challenges of managing as a person high in the introversion personality trait. Corporations need the skills and abilities introverts bring to the leadership table, but the environment of corporate management typically expects high engagement and a quick pace suited for extroverts, making that role particularly difficult for introverts.
Introversion Pt 2: Stop Making People Guess How to Work with You
This is part two of a three-part series that addresses the challenges of managing as a person high in the introversion personality trait. Corporations need the skills and abilities introverts bring to the leadership table, but the environment of corporate management typically expects high engagement and a quick pace suited for extroverts, making that role particularly difficult for introverts.
Introversion Pt 3: Introverted Leadership Cannot Be a One-Way Accommodation
This is part three of a three-part series that addresses the challenges of managing as a person high in the introversion personality trait. Corporations need the skills and abilities introverts bring to the leadership table, but the environment of corporate management typically expects high engagement and a quick pace suited for extroverts, making that role particularly difficult for introverts.
You Can’t Develop Professionals Without Developing People
Professional development succeeds or fails based on how well it accounts for the realities of human development. Lasting behavioral change is rarely the result of quick tips or one-time training events. It requires sustained support, realistic expectations, and an understanding of the complexity of being human.
Better Outcomes through Coaching (Adults)
We’re surrounded by answers but often fail to ask the questions that lead to real growth. Information alone rarely changes behavior. Coaching bridges the gap between knowing and becoming by helping people think more deeply, challenge assumptions, and take ownership of lasting personal and professional development.
The Sympathy Trap
Many managers avoid empathy because they’re afraid it will lower expectations or be taken advantage of. It doesn’t have to. The difference between empathy and sympathy is the difference between understanding someone’s struggle and becoming trapped by it. Healthy leadership requires both compassion and clear expectations.