In the second article of this series, I recommended that introverted managers clearly communicate how they work best and not leave that to the guesswork of others. That communication, however, is only half of defining a healthy working relationship.
The other half is understanding how the people you manage work best.
Your temperament may explain your preferences, but it does not release you from the responsibility to lead people whose needs are different from your own.
When explaining your management style to employees, avoid giving them a list of restrictions:
“I don’t like interruptions.”
“I don’t want people stopping by my office.”
“I don’t enjoy lengthy conversations.”
“I need everything in an email.”
That may be honest, but it is not particularly helpful. It places the entire burden of the relationship on the other person.
A productive conversation should do three things:
First, attach reasons to restrictions.
Explain why you protect certain blocks of time or prefer to receive information in a particular way. Employees are more likely to respect a boundary when they understand the purpose behind it.
Second, provide alternate paths for people to get what they need.
If constant interruptions make it difficult for you to concentrate, establish regular check-in times.
I had an administrator at one point who felt compelled to bring specific questions or issues to me in the moment they came into her mind. Those interruptions were highly disruptive for me and I initally made the mistake of becoming less accessible to protect my time and the quiet I need to work at my best.
Her demeanor and productivity both suffered as a result of my distancing. When I saw how my self-protection was affecting her, I asked her to create a “Jack list” for all of the non-emergency items that came up. I then agreed to protect a weekly block of time with her that we came to call a “dump meeting” which allowed her the space and time to bring the questions, updates, and concerns that had accumulated during the week.
To be honest, the dump meeting was agonizing and easily my least favorite time of the week, but she received predictable access that was necessary for her work well-being, and I received protected concentration time.
Third, acknowledge the value of the other person’s working style.
An extroverted employee may need to process ideas out loud. A highly relational employee may need more frequent connection than you naturally provide. A spontaneous employee may struggle with your preference for preparation and structure.
Their needs are not character defects. They are interpersonal realities.
Healthy workplace relationships require reciprocity.
That means mutual respect and support for the needs associated with both performance and well-being.
Introverted leaders can practice what I call strategic ambiversion. We deliberately step into more outwardly engaged behaviors when those behaviors serve the people and purposes we lead.
One practical suggestion is walk-around management.
Before retreating to your office, take a few minutes to move through the workplace and initiate several brief conversations. Ask what people are working on, whether they are encountering any obstacles, and what they need from you.
Those few minutes can build relationship collateral, increase management efficiency, and reduce the likelihood that people will interrupt you later because they have been waiting all morning for access.
It also communicates something important: “I may be quiet, but I am not unavailable.”
Celebrating the Difference
Introverts need organizational consideration, but we must also understand the needs of extroverts and go a reasonable distance to meet them.
That can be difficult when someone’s way of seeing, processing, and responding to life is almost the opposite of ours.
Many years ago, my wife and I worked with a large group of college students providing support for the practical matters of their life and offering spiritual guidance. As you might suspect, that role involved a tremendous amount of relationship advice.
One of my favorite things to tell couples was this:
Early in a relationship, you spend a lot of energy trying to get the other person to like you. Later, you can sabotage the relationship by trying to get the other person to be like you.
We have developed a wicked cultural habit of expecting people to think, react, communicate, hold values, and even vote the way we do as a condition of liking them.
The same tendency appears in workplaces. It is easier to form relationships with people who are similarly hardwired. But similarity cliques create clear lines between insiders and outsiders. Eventually, those lines contribute to social segregation, organizational silos, and the loss of perspectives we desperately need.
Introverts are wonderful, smart, talented, and, if I may say so, damned good looking. Our strengths are necessary for the wise and lasting function of organizations.
But we also need the energy, talent, ideas, and perspectives of the equally good looking people who are distinctly different from us.
Celebrate them. Include them. Choose to enjoy them.
Then, after practicing all that ambiversion, make time to recover.
Activities that require sustained extroverted behavior can be psychologically draining for introverts. Effective self-management requires patterns, routines, and restorative practices that help us maintain or reset our equilibrium.
Take the quiet drive home. Protect some empty space on your calendar. Walk without listening to anything. Close the door. Read. Think. Sit in silence.
You do not need to apologize for restoring the energy you have spent.
Introverted leadership is not about becoming an extrovert.
It is about learning when to step forward, how to remain accessible, and when to become quiet again.