Blind Spots – Everyone has them
Heidi Grant Halvorson wrote in her article for the Harvard Business Review, there is “remarkably little overlap between how other people see us and how we think we are coming across.” I’ve seen some people who are exceptions to this observation, but my experience tells me Heidi is dead on. On a 5-point scale, I regularly see perception gaps of 2 to 3.5 points separating the individual being coached and the 360 group. So how do you close that gap? Our blind spots are blind spots as a direct result of remaining unseen to us. Here are some steps you can take today to close the perception gap:1. Take an opportunity to revisit conversations (particularly difficult ones)
I call this circling back around on people. “Hey about that conversation we had earlier… is there something I could have done to make that less awkward or that would help me in future interactions with others?” You will catch people off guard, and you will always have to pry behind the “I can’t think of anything,” because people always think of things; they just aren’t used to saying them out loud.2. Start paying closer attention to non-verbal cues
You will have to clear your presumptions first. Many of us enter conversations with others focused on the message or content we want to get across. What this does is create a bias that makes non-verbal communication an indication that the person listening is the problem. It is possible that their inattention, poor eye contact, clenched jaw, pursed lips or defensive posture is an indication that they are not in the best mood, or they don’t want to be bothered by this issue right at this moment. It is more likely, however, that they are reacting to something in our approach or mannerisms that we are overlooking or ignoring.
3. Ask for constructive, specific feedback
This will take some courage, but the rewards are well worth it in closing the self-perception gap. The critical element is that you ask for constructive feedback that is specific. I’ve asked people for a quick assessment before by saying, “How do think that went?” That question usually invites a “fine” or “great” which are nice, but not very helpful. I’ve learned to ask specific questions like, “Did I come across too rigid” or “How could I have addressed this better than I did?” Specific questions let people know that you’re not just fishing for compliments, and they get you much better perspective-enlarging feedback. Have you come across any other tips or tools that help you see yourself more accurately?
Better Outcomes through Coaching (Adults)
We’re surrounded by answers but often fail to ask the questions that lead to real growth. Information alone rarely changes behavior. Coaching bridges the gap between knowing and becoming by helping people think more deeply, challenge assumptions, and take ownership of lasting personal and professional development.
The Sympathy Trap
Many managers avoid empathy because they’re afraid it will lower expectations or be taken advantage of. It doesn’t have to. The difference between empathy and sympathy is the difference between understanding someone’s struggle and becoming trapped by it. Healthy leadership requires both compassion and clear expectations.
Necessary Arriving
The pressure of seeing the distance you have yet to go or the improvements you could/should make can disrupt the peace you need to simply be and enjoy the in-journey arrivals you’ve already obtained. Here’s some suggested mindsets and wisdom for finding contentment.
Better Outcomes Through Coaching (Teens)
Coaching can feel like just a new fad but it is an effective form of communication and problem-solving that we seem to have misplaced with an obsession of having our own opinions and perspectives heard. We can enjoy far better outcomes in communication with teens (or really anyone) if we take an interest and ask insightful questions.
You Know that Only Happened in Your Head, Right?
Have you ever argued with someone… before the conversation even happened? Imagined conversations can prepare us, but they can also create assumptions, defensiveness, and disappointment based on stories we’ve invented. Healthy relationships require fewer imagined conclusions and more real conversations.
Necessary Leaving
Staying put and sticking stuff out provides great benefits both for your relationships and for the development of your character. There are times, however, when leaving is necessary. Here are some thoughts to help you navigate some important departures.